I have written and rewritten this post so many times. I knew when I started it would be hard to put into words. It’s hard to write down how someone’s absence can affect your day to day life.
My parents showed us a love that was like none other.
They sacrificed.
They struggled.
They loved each other.
They woke up every day and chose each other and chose our family. They sheltered us as kids from their demons and when we got older, counseled and guided us through our own. Momma was always the one to give the tough love. If I haven’t already said it, she was really good at giving that, especially to me.
Most importantly, they taught me how to love my spouse. If it weren’t for their 40 years together, I wouldn’t have the tools necessary to love my husband. I say this with all the love and respect for premarital counseling, but there’s not a book or a person that could have prepared me for marriage more than watching by example. Sure, the books and the sessions were great discussions and helped cement a foundation that was already pretty solid, but if it weren’t for my parents, I wouldn’t be the wife I am today. To me, it goes back to that whole nature vs. nurture debate.
We celebrate everything in our family. Any excuse to have chocolate cake, right? The small things, like a random Saturday, or the big things, like forty-two years of marriage.
If I can be half the wife my mom was, I’ll feel accomplished in this life. She was kind, she was giving, she was smart, she was the best cook, she was a fire cracker. She never backed down.
Her absence is something with all struggle with. She was our go to for questions. It’s still hard for me to ‘feel right’ about days passing without her, or even enjoying life. Y’all can say what you want.
“She should be over it by now”
“It’s been over a year”
“Why is she still talking about it”
Every one who has lost a parent will project their experiences on you. I received a few of them. But let me tell you, grief has no timeline. We’re allowed to still be sad and cry. We’re allowed to feel things. I have this conversation often with Leah, and we have come to the conclusion that people can expect us to be ok by now but they never had a mom like we did.
So for us, celebrating events, big or small, are still a thing because she made them that way. She taught us how to, she is the example we follow as wives and women.
I’m lucky my husband wakes up and chooses me. I’m a hard-ass. I’m headstrong and I am so, so lucky he chose me and he chooses me. We just hope that in forty years, we’ll have kids and grandkids who gather and celebrate us.
polly's piece of pie 